Movie Review Double Feature: Noah & Captain America: The Winter Soldier
April 15, 2014
Movie Review: Noah
Colleen’s Movie Review
Romance: Not too much going on in the way of romance between Noah and his wife and the angst felt between Ila and Shem was more heartfelt when they were kids holding hands. As adults or, I guess, young adults they were already committed to each other so we didn’t get to see any of that relationship develop.
Special Effects: The animals loading into the ark was pretty cool though it was obvious all the animals were CGI. Even the dove. The rain was a torrential flood of epic proportions that happened so quickly the ark actually ended up beneath the waves for a while and yet it was also somehow slow enough that the screams of dying humans could be heard for several minutes while Noah agonized over his choice to leave them behind. I would have really liked to see what happened on a more global scale and I would have liked them to use special effect to make me feel like I was in the flood. Maybe show the landscape changing or show the ocean rising or maybe a whale or two…something.
What I Liked: The idea that the animals slept or went into a sort of hibernation while on the ark. I really liked Anthony Hopkins as Noah’s grandfather, Methuselah. I liked when Noah had a vision of being under the water and I liked them showing the creation of the world.
What I’d Change: Pretty much everything. I honestly don’t even know where to begin. I think they might have been able to pull it off if they had made it Sci-Fi. If this version of Noah had happened on another planet then maybe I’d be a little more open minded about the changes. I’ve been told that they purposely left out any religious overtones which would have worked in a Sci-Fi. The thing is they went about as far away from the source material as they could. Other people have said that the writers used flood myths from other cultures as well. I’m fine with that. I do that myself. But those other flood myths don’t usually have two by two animals or a guy called Noah. They don’t end up on Mt. Ararat. If it was going to be changed then it needed to be completely changed or, here’s an idea, don’t call it Noah. Call it, THE FLOOD or THE WATCHERS or something.
Problem Number 1: Noah and his family are vegetarians. Fine. Then where are the farms? The orchards? The so-called berries? How do they get protein?
Problem Number 2: The costumes and hair. Why did Noah’s hair change every other scene? Was there a time vortex or something? He went from bald to shaggy white in a few months? Also some of his clothes had giant mismatched black stitching on the seams while other clothing was so finely made as to be impossible to do without a machine. Where did they get the material anyway? They didn’t have sheep or goats to make thread. Were they wearing woven plants? If so, where were the plants? All I saw was moss and ground cover even on their grandfather’s mountain until the Garden of Eden seed made things happen.
Problem Number 3: Disappointed son who doesn’t get his dad’s help in saving the 14 year old girl he just met and wanted to carry off to be his wife, teams up with the bad guy to MURDER his father. Not likely.
Problem Number 4: The watchers. They looked like a stone version of Ents. The backstory on them is confusing. So they fell to earth because they wanted to help the sons of Adam and then backed the wrong horse in Cain who used up all the resources and destroyed the planet and then because a seed grew into a forest showing that the Creator favored Noah, they did a complete turnaround and now they’re on the Creator’s/Noah’s side. I don’t get it. Where did their third arms come from? Also the symbol of these creatures who were covered with the slime of the earth and then were redeemed and rose into heaven in angelic form once more was completely lost on Noah. He should have looked at what happened to them as a sign that no matter how badly a person screws up, they can change. That there is beauty in every soul.
Problem Number 5: Noah’s character. Noah’s character is inconsistent. We do not harm flowers but those people over there, including my newborn twin granddaughters that were a miracle unto themselves, I’m totally fine with killing. The character arc almost seemed to align with Abraham’s story when he was asked to sacrifice his son as a test of obedience. I’ve seen this done well before. The complex emotions that go along with something like that are very hard to comprehend let alone explain through dialogue or text. If Noah was meant to be showing that he was obedient no matter the cost, it didn’t feel like a right thing or a good thing or even a zealous thing in this case. It felt dark. Murderous. And if you’re only going to keep one thing from the Bible story, the perplexing scene of Noah being naked and drunk on the beach was not the one thing to keep. The result of how they wrote Noah’s character made him not only less than a prophet, but less than a father, less than a husband, and, at the core, less than human. There was nothing inspiring about him. I not only disliked him. I wanted to turn away from him and find someone else in the flood worth saving.
The Tagline: There were two.
1) Rediscover the epic story of one man and the most remarkable event in our history.
2) The end of the world…is just the beginning.
The fact that they are saying the event is a part of our history is a bit ironic since they purposely chose to make the movie in a way that would upset all the people who actually believe the flood occurred.
The second tagline is more appropriate. The end of the world that led to the beginning…of the rise of the planet of the apes.
Hunky Hero: I liked Douglas Booth as Shem but he didn’t have any good lines.
The Villain: Ray Winstone as Tubal-cain was a decent enough bad guy I suppose, but when he was able to sneak on board the ark, nothing he did advanced the plot. Eating a snake at all, let alone raw freaks me out. I guess the writers wanted to show just how bad us meat eaters can be. There’s nothing like snake blood dripping down your chin to get you in a murderous mood.
Best Line:
Tubalcain: I have men at my back, you stand alone and defy me?
Noah: I am not alone.
I was kind of hoping this would be the time when the Creator did something awesome but instead the watchers stood up like rock transformers.
Best Scene: The animals boarding the ark.
Recommended for YA fans: No. If you’re curious. Rent the movie.
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Trailer
http://youtu.be/_OSaJE2rqxU
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Grandma’s Review
Grandma’s Bio: My name is Kathleen and I’m Colleen’s mom. I’m a mother of seven and grandmother of seventeen with one bun in the oven (not my oven). They’re all great. None of my kids are duds-you know, like the popcorn kernels that don’t pop. My father taught me to love science fiction and mysteries. I’m a dreamer whose secret wish was to be an actress and sing and dance on stage. I have lots of things I still want to do. A few of my favorite things include-discovering new restaurants, going to movies, traveling, seeing plays, children, my dogs, Elvis, reading books, The Beach Boys, and Rhett Butler because he doesn’t give a damn AND he can carry Scarlett up the stairs.
Definition of Kicky-providing a kick or thrill, exciting
Review:
I have been trying very hard to like the 2014 cinematic version of NOAH. I always look for the best in all things related to movie making but I just can’t get past the blatant destruction of this beloved Bible story. The whole reason I wanted to see this movie was to make the story come alive visually as I remembered it. I could not quite wrap my head around the fallen angel rock creatures helping to build the ark, Tubal-Cain eating raw snake meat to show he’s a real man and so easily corrupting Noah’s son Ham who was willing to kill his Father. Or Noah’s changing into a mad man willing to kill his twin grand -daughters so mankind could not propagate then going on a drunken alcoholic binge because he had disappointed God, Noah’s family being vegetarians and blending the Bible creation story with Darwinian evolution, etc. I understand the director wanting to take creative license to make the story interesting and fresh but what it ended up being was simply unbelievable, and to one who considers herself opened minded, it was undeniably offensive. If there was anything I liked about the movie it was the special effects: the ark, the animals/birds/& insects coming to the ark, and the water scenes. Goodness, I thought the whole point of Noah and the Ark was saving the few righteous people left in the world and the animals that they would need to sustain themselves. I give this movie 1 out of 10 kicks, all for the visual effects.
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A Guy’s Perspective
Bio: I’m Colleen’s husband, Brad. I’m the youngest of four kids. I’ve been Deaf since I was five so I watch every movie with caption glasses. I love sports and reading (I’ll admit I’ve read Twilight but prefer thrillers like Jack Reacher). My favorite ice cream is mint chocolate chip. I’ll never turn down a taco. I write poetry. My man credentials include: a high school career in wrestling, watching sports every time my wife is too busy to notice, a receding hairline, two repaired ACL’s, and a stockpile of Axe body wash.
Review:
“Great? No, uh… Lame!”
Let’s get one thing straight. A movie claiming to be based on a biblical narrative should be judged not only on its own cinematic merits but by its adherence to the story. I mean, right? My understanding is that many biblical scholars were sought out to give direction and feedback, since Hollywood knew the backlash it would receive, but unfortunately the overall result is not only less than stellar, it’s downright lame. If fans can demand near-precisional movie adaptations of their beloved fictional works (Twilight, Harry Potter, LOTR come to mind) then why should Bible believers expect any less treatment?
There is Noah, his wife, his three sons–check; an ark and swarms of animals (never mind if they were two by two or even by sevens)–check; a flood–check; a raven and a dove–check; and…oh, yes, let’s not forget a stark naked, drunk Noah–check. (I want to check off the rainbow but even that looked like an abnormal wormhole pulsing through the sky.) I’m no Bible scholar but these seemed to be the only historical elements the movie got right. Everything else was popcorn… Yes, I consumed lots of it and almost threw up afterwards.
A couple examples of what I mean: The record narrative states that Noah was “a just man and perfect in his generations…and he walked with God “(Genesis 6:9). Transforming Noah into an irrational, tormented soul, hell-bent on ensuring that humanity would not survive to the point of nearly committing infanticide was a huge stretch for me. Again, the narrative relates that a family of four couples were on board the ark, and Noah understood that because of wickedness “the Creator” intended to start all over again through their posterity. At the time of the flood, Noah was 600 years old (Gen. 7:6) and his sons at least a hundred years of age. By this time, they would already have wives, and were not the young kids the movie would have us believe. But I get it, the director needed conflict–both internal and external–so historical accuracy was thrown out the window despite calling on panels of scholars for vigorous debate. So much for that.
On the positive side, as artistic cinema goes, this had some impressive shots. The CGI for the animals and the ark were impressive enough. Yet the CGI called attention to itself though the so-called “Rock Giants,” which were preposterous so as to provide not even a sliver of believability. If the director, a self-avowed atheist, had just changed the names, and thrown in some fantasy and sci-fi elements, the film likely wouldn’t have been given the amount of attention it clearly doesn’t deserve. It was masterful exploitation of a story that was guaranteed to bring in millions of moo-lah. Check! Even movie lovers who could care less about accuracy might enjoy the film despite its many story-telling flaws. I give this film 3 Rock Giant Smash Fists out of 10.
Brad
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Movie Review: Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Colleen’s Movie Review
Romance: Huh. I’m not certain there was technically a romance in this movie. There was a boy. There was a girl. There was a kiss. Maybe two. But no romance to speak of. Though there was a tender scene that added nothing really to the story between Steve and his former girl, Peggy, now an old lady with a memory problem. It was very sweet. Can’t find a picture of it anywhere.
Special Effects: Whew. There was a lot of special effect. Too much actually. The movie felt a bit too long to me and I usually only feel that way in blow-em-up scenes that never seem to end. We watched the movie in 3-D and it didn’t feel any different than if we had seen it in 2-D.
What I Liked: Robert Redford. The flying man. Cap. The shield. Stan Lee. Bucky.
The absolute best thing about Captain America is Captain America. He is the kind of guy Superman used to be before the CW went and tainted him. He’s kind. Old fashioned. The type of hero who would never, ever be tempted by a woman like Natasha. Cap is the swoonworthy, sweet superhero I could fangirl over. I was never a Captain America fan until these movies. His shield is pretty awesome. I really don’t think it would fly back to him but he did some cool things with it in this movie. I liked that better than blowing up the spaceship things.
I’ll talk about Robert Redford and Bucky in the villain portion. I really liked Falcon, the vet with special tech wings. His character made me overlook the silly wings on his back. I like him a lot and hope he comes back. He makes a good sidekick. He’s trustworthy, unlike Natasha.
Stan Lee had the best line of the movie. Will talk about it further down.
What I’d Change: The flying man (I’ll explain), Natasha, the old senator woman, Bucky (I’ll explain), Nick Fury, the scientist living on in a computer.
I’m not a Nick Fury fan. He’s too…something. Why do superheroes even listen to him? He’s just a guy. Nothing special. Maybe if I read the comics I’d feel differently. I have the same reaction to S.H.I.E.L.D though. Not a fan. Natasha drives me crazy. Getting tired of seeing her curvy body on every superhero poster there is. Once in a while I’d like to see more of a real woman. Not saying she can’t be pretty, but change it up every once in a while and quit with the skin tight cat suits. Believe it or not, boys aren’t the only people who watch superhero movies. When the old senator woman started kicking Robert Redford’s butt in the office, I was like, YEAH! YOU GO GIRL! FINALLY! Here’s a cool woman who isn’t every guy’s fantasy. That’s right! Why can’t older women kick butts? And then she changed into Natasha. Sigh. I really liked Bucky, Steve’s old friend turned bad guy. I just wish they would have spent less time blowing stuff up and more time exploring his character. He’s interesting. I wanted to know what his arm does. How did he get it? What’s it made of? Why did they experiment on him? Who found him? How did he survive? See where I’m going with this? I disliked the wings on Falcon, Captain America’s sidekick. They were cool and all but why feathers? The stuff he was able to do didn’t really seem possible and in a 3-D movie I was hoping to be wowed by the flight stuff. Oh and the scientist whose mind was preserved in an old school computer…what? What was the point of that? Too far beyond the realm of believability and it did nothing to further the plot.
The Tagline: In heroes we trust.
Perfect.
Hunky Hero: Steve Rogers is a hero whether he’s wearing dog-tags, a jogging suit, a plain white tee, a Captain America costume, or camouflage. He was charming as a scrawny guy too. And now that he’s gorgeous, he comes off as completely unaware of just how attractive he is. That’s a rare thing for a guy like him to pull off. The only thing that bothers me about his costume is that head piece. The helmet is not pretty. Why on earth would you cover up that face?
The Villain: There were two-Robert Redford and The Winter Soldier himself, AKA Bucky. I really wanted to know a lot more about Bucky. He’s an interesting villain who ended up being thrown under the bus a bit. Robert Redford commands the attention of anyone around him. He’s still a very vital actor. I’ve seen him in a lot of movies and the first thing I said to my mom after the movie was, “He should do a romance again.” Apparently I still have a thing for him.
Best Line:
The best line was delivered by Stan Lee who played a guard at the museum housing the Captain America memorabilia.
[Smithsonian Guard discovers that Captain America’s World War II uniform has been stolen]
Smithsonian Guard: Oh, man! I am so fired!
Best Scene: For me it was the one between Cap and his best girl Peggy. It really shows who he is in his heart.
Recommended for YA fans: Yes! Captain America is swoonworthy, though make sure you bring lots of snacks. It’s a looonngg movie. Oh and don’t bother seeing it in 3-D.
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Trailer
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Grandma’s Review
Grandma’s Bio: My name is Kathleen and I’m Colleen’s mom. I’m a mother of seven and grandmother of seventeen with one bun in the oven (not my oven). They’re all great. None of my kids are duds-you know, like the popcorn kernels that don’t pop. My father taught me to love science fiction and mysteries. I’m a dreamer whose secret wish was to be an actress and sing and dance on stage. I have lots of things I still want to do. A few of my favorite things include-discovering new restaurants, going to movies, traveling, seeing plays, children, my dogs, Elvis, reading books, The Beach Boys, and Rhett Butler because he doesn’t give a damn AND he can carry Scarlett up the stairs.
Definition of Kicky-providing a kick or thrill, exciting
Review:
In “Captain America the Winter Soldier” I believe super hero fans will not be disappointed. There are lots of special effects and stunts. The story is full of non-stop action, perhaps a little too much action, the movie seemed long. The acting was good, characters compelling. I enjoyed Captain America’s side kick, “the Falcon” and his flying machine. There appeared to be some goof ups in the filming like no blood on Captain America when there should have been after he was injured. I was definitely not bored, entertained throughout. I give this movie 6 out of 10 kicks. It’s a good action film.
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A Guy’s Perspective
Bio: I’m Colleen’s husband, Brad. I’m the youngest of four kids. I’ve been Deaf since I was five so I watch every movie with caption glasses. I love sports and reading (I’ll admit I’ve read Twilight but prefer thrillers like Jack Reacher). My favorite ice cream is mint chocolate chip. I’ll never turn down a taco. I write poetry. My man credentials include: a high school career in wrestling, watching sports every time my wife is too busy to notice, a receding hairline, two repaired ACL’s, and a stockpile of Axe body wash.
Review:
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Better the Second Time Around
Now this was a movie worth both my money and my time! The first Captain America movie (2010) was mildly interesting with its throwback into the WWII era but it didn’t quite measure up to its potential as this one did. The star of the movie for me was not Chris Evans, Samuel Jackson, or even Scarlett Johannson though each of them were studs in their own right (yes, even the girl), but the well developed story that paced the film made for intriguing whodunit espionage and plot twists. The humor was spaced out well, though I thought there wasn’t enough. I barely even noticed that I was viewing the film through 3D lens, so I’m not sure if that was a good or a bad thing. At one point I jumped when a missile whizzed right past me, and at other times there was flying and fighting amid panoramic vistas so I could clearly see the depth of images in that backdrop.
The Winter Soldier was such a formidable villain that it required a team of superheroes (enter the Falcon) to prevent a total victory for his boss, who will go unnamed here, seeking a new world order. It’s my understanding that the hand-to-hand/weapon fight scenes were done without CGI and they were done with such fluid intensity that it was impossible to look away (as if I would want to). Other than the fact the movie felt a tidbit long, the film was superbly satisfying in almost every way.
I give this film 8 Hulk Smash Fists out of 10.
Brad
This entry was posted in A Guy's Perspective, Grandma's Review, Movie Review.
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